I was cleaning out my text message archive. Some of them I saved, such as below. I have changed the name(s) to xxx to protect the guilty (some are months old):

xxx: I have strep! 9:28 AM

xxx: Hi our mailbox is infested with ants. Do we have any more of the baits/traps? 9:29 AM

xxx: I turned on preston’s ceiling fan and his balloons are stuck in the fan stupid me :-( 4:56

Me: Do not ask a four-year old, “Could you be any louder?” if you expect any answer other than: “Sure can, Dad!” and the ensuing cacophony. Also expect accompaniment by a 2-yr old. 9:16 AM

Me: Olivia ate your sausage. 9:28 AM